Never Enough

It’s raining in my head,
And the words I use
To explain to you
Fall short,
Inside I’m effete,
Broken to the core,
And all I can do
Is bore through
The memories
Once more,
The words I write
Each day deflate
Under the weight
Of your scrutiny,
Reader, see these
For what they are…
Defective!
I narrate through
The forth wall
Because everything
That’s written
Is to grasp
For your attention,
There are no walls
In this poem,
Only the walls in my mind,
Just failing hopes
That I can be more
Than you see me.
Much more than I see me.
Inside my walls I float
In a sea of self-sustainable
Self-doubt.
I will never be
Good enough…
Not for you…
Never for me…
The self-doubt rises
And I scratch in vain
At the inner of my skull,
Until my fingernails rip
From their roots,
For some hope
That I matter, some
Crack in the plaster
Before there is no
Air and I drown
In myself,
Vanity or anxiety?
I know I will never be
Complete,
I write words each day
And they all fall short
Of what I want
From myself,
The worst of critics
Hits delete and you’re lucky
If I let you read this,
Because it’s never enough!
Don’t fuss and flutter,
I’m in the gutter
And I keep myself
Firmly there, in place,
Hyding myself from my face
Is all I can do with little haste
To save me from the monster
That is my Jekyll ,
Here he comes again
And these words are
Never enough,
These words are
Never enough.

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Poem © Phen Weston

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